The Honest Truth About Why I Never Had Kids of my Own

This story is a personal one and I thought long and hard if this was something I wanted to share with you. The story about why I never had kids of my own. I guess that every woman in her life gets to be asked this question a million times. Do you want to have children? And for me, that has been no different.

How to decide whether to have children?

Whether you want to have kids or not. If you are privileged enough to have kids or maybe you are still not sure how to answer this question I hope my story will help you.

This is my personal story and it's not always a pretty one, but it is my story. I'm not here to tell you life with or without kids is better, because I simply can't tell you. Every woman walks a different road in life and this happens to be mine. Sit back because this is gonna be a long one…

 

to have children

ONCE UPON A TIME

Once upon a time, there was this little girl born into a loving family. I was the youngest of 3 and my mum would always call me here surprise baby. My brother and sister were already 11 and 8 when I joined the party and being the little benjamin I was always smothered with love and attention. If you would ask me as 6 years old if I wanted to become a mum the answer would be YES.  One day find myself a prince charming and we would have a boy and a girl and even made out their names already. Thomas for a boy and Kimberly for a girl. Don't ask me why but those names were pretty popular back then. I also wanted to become a mermaid and comb my golden hair while sitting on a rock. Yes, you could call me a dreamer. Those dreams would brutally come to an end when my brother died at the age of 18 in a tragic car accident leaving my parents in despair and shock. I was nine years old and that day I kinda stopped dreaming. I realized way too young life was not to be taken for granted…

THE NOT SO BEAUTIFUL CHAPTER

I was in my mid-twenties when the question kids came back to the table. I found myself in a whirlwind relationship and my boyfriend soon to become husband just couldn't wait to have children. Although I wanted to have children I thought I was still too young to start, but then again I also didn't know if I would get pregnant easily so we decided to give it a go. And nothing happened.

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For more than a whole year nothing happened I soon would find myself at the doctor's office going through all kinds of tests. I remember sitting down to have my blood taken to test my hormone levels and I just started to cry. No sound, just tears. The sweet lady who was doing the procedure was so sweet and kept on asking if I was ok. And no, I was not ok. I knew that my once so amazing relationship had gone from a fairytale into a nightmare. A very dark story that had become my daily life. Without going into further detail I finally had the courage and the strength to walk away about 2 years later. With no baby. And for that, I was immensely grateful.

LET'S FAST FORWARD

Being divorced before turning 30 is not something that's good for your self-esteem. Stepping out of a very ugly marriage, however, was the best thing I ever did. Slowly picking up the pieces I had this urge to live again. So for the next 10 years, I would travel the world, fall in and out of love, and break many hearts along the way (sorry guys). Where many of my friends were now settling down, buying their first homes, and thinking about kids I was enjoying my newly regained freedom. I would date this amazing surfer boy from Wales and I would fall head over heels in love with this gorgeous man from Capetown. My friends would always make fun of me asking me how young he was and which country I found him in. The question; Do you want children didn't come to the table anymore because there simply was not even a table, to begin with.

RUNNING OUT OF TIME

In my late thirties, I realized that if I still wanted to step on the motherhood train I had to get serious. I often asked my mum for advice. Should I try to have kids by myself? Would I be a good mum? Should I look for a man that wouldn't necessarily fit me but would be a great dad? By now I had seen up close how tough being a mum could be. It's the hardest job in the world with no spare time! I knew that if I wanted to embrace this journey I wanted to do it with somebody equally committed and with my luck of getting pregnant, I knew my chances were very, very limited.

By the time I reached 39 I was single, my father was in the hospital with his first heart attack, and my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I remember standing in my back garden feeling lost but also incredibly strong. I wanted to be there for my parents and NO I was not going to be a mum. It was simply not in the cards for me. Saying it out loud to myself just lifted this huge weight off my shoulders. The universe simply had different plans for me.

MEETING THE ONE

They always tell you when you meet THE ONE, you will know. And he will come when you least expect it. And it's true! The first time I saw him my face turned all red and was lost for words. What was happening to me?? One of the first things he asked me was; Do you want to have kids? And my answer was NO. I closed that chapter for good. That's great he answered because I already have two daughters!

We just started talking and laughing and 11 years later and now being 50, that still hasn't changed. I never envisioned myself becoming a stepmom and to be honest I had never dated a man with kids before. The girls were 14 and 16 at that time and I've seen them growing into these beautiful women. And when I ask them: Sweetie, are you eating enough? Shouldn't you put on a warmer coat when you go outside? Isn't that skirt a little bit too short? Please clean your room! Without knowing I turned into the same loving, caring, protective kinda mum my own mother used to be!

ALL ENDS WELL

Do I regret not having children of my own? Nope. Would my life have turned out differently if I had become a mother somewhere along the way? Oh yes for sure! Would my life have been better (or worse)? I honestly can't tell you except for the fact that I'm pretty happy with the way my life turned out.

Looking back at my life I know now if becoming a mum was my top priortiy I would have made different choices. I would have tried harder. Does that make sense? I guess every woman has to answer the question for herself on whether you should have children or not. It's a very personal one. And even if you would like to be a mom it's not always in the cards for you. I guess what I'm trying to say is…we all have our own path to walk in life and I hope with all my heart you embrace the changes life gives to you. Whether you become a mum or not. Whether that's by choice or not. At the end of the day, all that matters is the light you spread and the love you give.

Please drop me a comment below and let me know about your story! I would love to know. And if you rather mail me in private I totally understand.

 

With love and light,

Yvon

 

 

 

 

 

 

61 Comments

  1. Minna Halonen
    / 12:12 pm

    Since I was a kid, I dreamt about traveling, living abroad and I wanted to have cats, lol. I never had that longing for children I followed my dreams, went my own path and have not regretted at all. Been blessed by becoming a auntie and godmother, thats enough for me. I’ve had three furry babies, who where in need of a new home and lots of love and that’s where my mother hood feelings will go. But what I’ve experienced is that it seems to bother other people that you dont want any kids and some have asked me: “What’s wrong with you?!?” I decided early not let this get to me. I have live my life in a way that i makes me happy. Thank for sharing your story. Xo

    • / 12:10 pm

      Love comes in many ways and forms and motherhood is just one of them. I’m very proud of you for choosing your own way! I never regretted how my life turned out too. With love, Yvon

    • Maureen Rogers
      / 5:56 pm

      Dear Yvon, thanks for sharing your story with me. I completely respect your reasoning and believe that is how life works. I was blessed to give birth to a beautiful daughter who is my best friend, although she lives with her husband and children in Australia and I was fortunate to visit them before covid. I only ever wanted one daughter (albeit born from my a very unhappy marriage). He has since remarried and we are now friends, although living in different countries. I married a wonderful man who was widowed and had a daughter the same age as mine, and we both accept our daughters as our own daughters. I was lucky and happy that I have such a precious wonderful human being as my best friend. I believe the universe gives us what we need and can love. Your story is your story and what you needed in your life. Warmest affection, Maureen xx

  2. Lemmie
    / 12:36 pm

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • / 12:11 pm

      Jij weet t als geen ander! Thanks for always being there for me sweetie! xoxo Yvon

      • Kathryn
        / 12:30 pm

        Thank you for sharing your story. My husband and I always wanted children. We tried everything…. hormone treatments (good lord the size of the needles!) Constant blood tests… nothing worked. Then we decided to adopt a beautiful baby boy from Guatemala. Fast forward 19 years… We would not change a thing! God had a different plan for us and we couldn’t be happier. ❤

  3. Nagelmann
    / 12:39 pm

    Thank you for charing your story
    It makes so much sense⭐️and it touched me very deep.⭐️
    Sending you lots of love

  4. Tuija
    / 12:47 pm

    ❤️

    • Andrea
      / 12:04 am

      Thanks for show us your story, a beautifull story, I send you a 💖✨

  5. kim
    / 12:55 pm

    Thank you for sharing. You sound like an amazing Mum (step mum). I personally love being a mum to 2 grown up boys but appreciate everyone has their own path to follow. You inspire and encompass a warmth in your blogs and insta that encapsulates a mother’s love. you make your followers feel a sense of worth.

    • / 12:12 pm

      Thank you so much Kim for your kind words. Thanks for understanding xoxo Yvon

  6. Michelle
    / 12:59 pm

    That’s a beautiful story…..and I’m so sorry about the loss of your brother and at such a young age.
    But you’re right. We all have our own path. I have four children and I never thought this is where so would be. I thought back in high school I’d be a traveler….documenting and roaming, way before it was a popular and before the internet even existed. But God had different plans for me.
    And even though you say you never quite became a mom, you kinda did. A stepmom, or a bonus mom! You get to help raise up those beautiful kids and see them into adulthood and possibly one day parenthood…so don’t hold yourself short on those responsibilities. It sounds like you’re right where you’re meant to be. Enjoy it and enjoy your travels. I look forward to seeing your move and the positive energy your put out there. You’re a breath of fresh air! Peace! 🇺🇸

    • / 12:13 pm

      Wow, Michelle, I just don’t know what to say. You are the kindest. Thanks for your sweet words xoxo Yvon

  7. Stacy
    / 1:33 pm

    Hugs ❤ God is good in every situation. We never know why life turns out how it does. God is with us every step of the way. Im a mother of two sons. My first was born before I was married. I thank God for him. We then got married a year later. 3 years later we had our second son. Our sons are close and now my oldest lives 9 hours from us. Lifes hard. I am now a grandma of a wonderful grandson that now lives 9 hours from us. Hard. I can say I’m blessed. Life sure is unpredictable. We should always count our blessing’s. Im sure you make q wonderful step mum. Maybe that was God’s plan for you all along.
    God bless 🧡🌈✌

    • / 12:15 pm

      Thank you so much Stacy. I truly believe we all have our own path to follow in life. I wish for you you get to see your beautiful grandson more often! You are blessed my dear,

      With love,
      Yvon

  8. Rada
    / 1:33 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story😘

  9. Ana Starker
    / 2:17 pm

    Thank You to be honest! I never wanted kids in my life, I always have different plans and goals to achieve.
    I am 49 now, happy with my partner, totally satisfied with my choice.
    I have beautiful nephew and nices and I love them so much!
    This love and care is enough for me.
    Be proud !

    • / 12:16 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing Ana and I totally understand your story! I never regretted how my life turned out and I’m a proud auntie too! Keep on shining beautiful!

      With love
      Yvon

  10. Lya
    / 2:37 pm

    Hi,
    What a lot off courage it takes to share this with us.
    It touched me deeply.
    Those 2 girls are very blessed to have you in their lives.
    Thank you💚

  11. Ank
    / 2:39 pm

    Never regret the life you had it makes you you. Beautiful giving to the world you’re energie. Respect van Ankie uit 010 😁🙏🏼💫

  12. Maaike
    / 3:46 pm

    Dankjewel voor je verhaal ❤️ 😘
    Je bent een mooi en prachtig mens! 💋

  13. Julia
    / 4:04 pm

    First – Thank you for sharing this very personal story ❤❤ it is really tough to share these kind of things. And the question when are you having kids can really be a question not to ask, but still the question pops up all the time.
    When I read others having had some issues geting pregnant I feel less alone, and I thing this is something we need to be more Open about. Not all wants kids, some wants to have kids, but they just cant. And some will have kids. And however the life turnes out, as long as we try to do what is best for us, we are doing good enough. With or without kids.

    We are secretly pregnant atm after 5 miscarrieges, so we are really praying for this little one to stick. It is so hard to talk about infertility, but I am so happy that it seems like more people starting to share there story. I hope I will be that brave one day ♡

    Thank you again for sharing ❤❤❤ lots of love ❤❤❤

    • / 12:20 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing Julia! There is just so much hidden sadness in all these stories but also happiness. I deeply wish for you you get to hold your little baby in a few months and all your pain will flow away.

      You are my hero,

      Yvon

  14. Marta
    / 4:07 pm

    You are an incredible woman with a big loving heart. I think living is choosing constantly, so it’s up to us to decide it!!
    I am a mother of 2girls and 1son and for me are the best things in my whole life, I couldn’t imagine life without them, but this was my choice!!

    • / 12:22 pm

      I’m so happy for you Marta! You are blessed with your 3 beauties! xoxo Yvon

  15. Patricia
    / 5:15 pm

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.
    So sorry about your brother. I lost my younger sister who was 18 as well in a car accident, many years ago.
    My dream was travelling all over the world but then i met my future husband and then got pregnant with my first son before getting married! At the time having a child without being married was frowned upon. Three years later we got married and over the years we got three more children, 3 boys and a girl. Nothing was planned, it was always a surprise 😁, it seems i was falling pregnant very easy. My children are the best thing that happened to me. Now they all left home, except for the girl who is at University. I wish they were all with me again but they have their own life. Now i am waiting to be a grandma which is taking too long!😁
    Sorry about my english, i am french😉

    • / 12:24 pm

      Merci Patricia!

      You are blessed with your 4 kids! I hope you will get to be a grandma soon!

      With love, Yvon

  16. Rita Estevez
    / 5:58 pm

    Thanks for sharing. Having kids is thank God an option now. Older generations did not have that option. We have come a long way. Love your IG. Keep telling us more of your stories. You are a person worth to know and an example for our generation.

  17. Mickey
    / 6:04 pm

    Just a big 😘

  18. C.K.
    / 6:24 pm

    Hi Yvon –

    Thank you for sharing your story. As a fifty-year-old woman with no children, I can relate to a lot of what you covered. For me, I found myself offering an explanation to people as to why I don’t have kids. I feel an urgency to explain that it has nothing to do with a medical condition, or to assure them that it’s not because I can’t get a man to have sex with me! Or worse yet, don’t want them getting the impression that I’m “one of those women who don’t like children!”

    I had always wanted children from an early age. I am the youngest of four and the only one of my siblings that wanted kids, and lots of them! My dream, when I was young, was that I would marry a cowboy, we would live on a ranch and together, raise a bunch of little cowboys together! I know that I would have loved a little cowgirl if I had one, but boys were what I wanted from the beginning. I think it’s because there are a lot of girls in the family and I felt a need to even that out some. I didn’t want a career, I wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. But then I joined the U.S. Air Force and I was introduced to a bigger world and exciting work which made me reconsider my future.

    I met my husband just before I went into the military. He wanted a lot of kids too so that was part of the attraction at first. Before I went off to basic training, we talked about getting married and traveling the world while I was in the service. He had just graduated college and was starting a high school teaching career. A field he was sure to find a job in wherever we got stationed. During the school’s summer break, I would take leave and we would travel. The plan was for me to complete one, four-year term and then we would settle down in the American southwest and start our family.

    In my first and second year in service, I was deployed a lot which meant time away from my new husband. Those first few years I think are crucial to building the foundation of marriage but because I was gone much of that time, we ended up growing apart rather than closer. We divorced and I signed up for another term with the service. I ended up spending eleven years in the military total but never married again. To be honest, the men that might have asked me to marry, I wasn’t in love with and those that I wanted to ask me to marry them, weren’t in love with me so it never happened. Which is okay. At this stage, marriage isn’t necessary or desired. I’m grateful for the life and experiences I have had but not having children has been my biggest letdown. I know I could have raised a child on my own but as I grew older, this became less and less of an option.

    For me, what’s sad is that my legacy ends with me. There are no kids to carry on my bloodline. I thought of donating my eggs early on but never did and now that’s off the table. I thought of becoming an organ donor so that a piece of me lives on but I never went through with it. I keep reminding myself that Mother Teresa never had children and yet her legacy lives on through her works and good deeds. However, it saddens me that I will never look into my child’s eyes or hold them and watch them grow. Still, life is good, and I find joy in everything else it has to offer. Now, when someone asks if I have any children, I am getting better at answering honestly without further explanation. After all, at fifty I’ve accepted that that’s how it is. I’ve made peace with it and if anyone else has an issue with it, that’s on them, not me. God bless ‘em!

    • / 12:31 pm

      Your story gave me goosebumps! But I recognize a lot in what you say. We start out with all these amazing dreams and then the universe decides differently.
      You are an amazing woman, thank you for serving your country, and thank you for sharing your story.

      With love,

      Yvon

  19. Noémi
    / 8:52 pm

    Love love love.
    Love of life and travel and passion.
    Brave great honest girl!
    From the perspective of quite the opposite story lived by myself (kind’a gave up love and men for children) I can say only thanks and you’re great and keep doing what you do (being yourself) showing the way for us all (women balancing between expectations of others and our own dreams).
    Thank you!

  20. Amy
    / 10:02 pm

    Thanks for sharing your journey. 💕

  21. Karin
    / 12:21 am

    Hi Yvon,
    Thank you for sharing you personal story as it is also close to my heart.
    Reading your story and not having children of my own raised tears and emotions that I thought were behind me. As I sit and write, it feels good to let them flow free.
    Like my mum, I wanted to fall in love, marry, have children and be a stay at home mum. I’m an old fashioned girl. At 18 I met the love of my life and instantly knew he was the one.
    He smiled, we talked and I felt like I had known him forever. He went home and told his flatmate “I just met the girl I am going to marry”.
    Three years later we married and started trying for a baby. Month after month, year after year nothing.
    We tried natural remedies, went to doctors and specialists all tests came back normal. We got pets, went on holidays, watched family and friends have children, it was heartbreaking.
    It sometimes still makes us sad but on the bright side at 51, I feel I am the luckiest girl to have met and married my best friend, lover and the man that still makes me laugh after 30 years. We do have a happy ever after after all. Our life is carefree and fun with loads of time to spoil ourselves. And spoil ourselves we do. As it turns out, we’re still experiencing young love.
    You are such a beautiful, kind person that brings so much sunshine and we are all so lucky to have you in our lives! xx

    • / 12:35 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing Karin. Your life may not have turned out as you once envisioned but you are blessed with having the love of your life with you to support you. You are a kind-hearted and strong woman sweetie!

      With love, Yvon

  22. Odet
    / 9:12 am

    Mooi en eigen dit! Zo respectvol geschreven naar beide kanten (met of zonder kinderen). Krijg vaak het gevoel dat het een beter is dan het andere. En dat is zo jammer. Laat iedereen in zijn waarden en dat doe je. Dank je wel voor het delen. X

    • / 12:37 pm

      En zo is t Odet! Een ieder moet zijn eigen keuzes maken in het het leven die gewoon het beste bij je passen. Ik heb nooit spijt gehad van hoe mijn leven is gelopen. Je moet gewoon van elke dag zelf een feestje maken 🙂

  23. Carolina
    / 12:26 pm

    Hola, thanks for sharing your story!
    I am 40, married and without kids and that is a decision I made because I just do not want kids.Being born in a mischievous culture where women have to have children after they get married, if you are in your 30’s people start criticizing and questioning, or telling you that is time, and the worst think you feel in a way you have to justify yourself for a decision that is only yours.It is not dictated that after marriage you have to conceive. I love kids, but I do not want my own! I am happy the way I am, with the freedom I have.

    • / 1:47 pm

      No woman should be pressured into motherhood. It should always be your own decision and wish. I’m so proud of you that you are following your own path in life Carolina! xoxo Yvon

  24. Fabiana
    / 12:29 pm

    🌸🦋🌸🦋🌸🦋I loved

  25. Sissela Bremmers
    / 12:49 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve known since I was 15 years old that I don’t want to become a parent.
    I’m turning 29 this year and I’m with a man who feels the same way. Since I was 18 years old everyone have told me that I’m will change my mind, and I haven’t.
    I’m so pleased with my life! I have two nieces and one nephew and I love them so much. My boyfriend have also niece and nephew we love to be with. Everyone don´t need too have children of the own, some people, like me, are pleased too have them around. I thinking that universe have other plans for me than become a mum 🙂

    Love Sissela

  26. / 1:17 pm

    Mooi geschreven Vonneke ❤️😍

    • / 1:45 pm

      Dank poppie!! Jij kent me als geen ander! Nooit spijt gehad! Let’s keep on shining! xoxo Von

  27. Shelly
    / 1:39 pm

    I’m not sure why I received this in my email today but it’s oddly timely. I have really been depressed lately that I am not married and have not had children. I blame myself. I wish at some point I had been ready. I am now 50 and my life has turned out differently than expected. I am encouraged by this woman’s story. Hopefully I can be a mother to other children if that is God’s will for my life. Thanks for sharing your story with me. – Shelly

  28. Glennie Soerensen
    / 2:13 pm

    I remember watching television one day back in my childhood. I think i was around 7 – 10 years old. I was watching a travelling program, and it was this beautiful, amazing place with totally white sand, turquoise blue water and palm trees. I instantly fell in love!! And i remember saying to my mum: Mum i want to go there someday!! 15 years later i had saved money for a year , and i was on my first exciting adventure to : Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore for 10 months i was going to travel around with my backpack. IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE EXCITING!! After that i have been travelling many many other places around the world. It has become my passion. I am Danish, but moved to Malta in 2017. So i have always been an adventurer, that will NEVER stop. So for me having children, was NEVER something i thought about when i was younger. I am 44 now, become 45 this year in october. I have always been drawn to new cultures, new people, explore new fantastic places. I did have a ” mum” crisis… but i think it was because i saw all my friends having kids etc… That is the ” norm” right???? But i have realised that kids was just never in my cards really, otherwise i would have children today. I would have done something to get pregnant. And besides both my parents are dead, so i dont have the grandmother and grandfather to give to that little boy/girl , and i do not have any contact with the rest of my family either. So therefore i have chosen the free life, and travel whenever i can afford it, and build my life up with happy and interesting memories from around the world. I do want 2 Golden Retrivers thouhg 🙂 They are going to be my babies 🙂

    That was a bit of my story 🙂
    Take care and stay safe!!

  29. Mony
    / 4:16 pm

    Querida amiga a la distancia, me sorprendiste gratamente! Eres una mujer que conocía su destino por lo tanto eres una persona conectada con el universo. Eres Maravillosa! Naciste para ser muy feliz de esta manera! Un apoyo para tus padres y con un marido que nació para amarte. El destino es tan sabio!.
    La vida es tan bella y tú le das color y alegría. Y me traes a mi memoria la moda, los colores de mi juventud.Por eso te agradezco que me envíes tus pensamientos.
    Si quieres venir a Latinoamérica, visita Chile. Somos un país angosto y laaargoo. Tenemos el mar a unas horas de la ciudad como también la nieve.
    Trae tus colores a mi país. Con gusto te recibo en mi casa y te sirvo de guía.
    Bendiciones de lo alto para tí

  30. Chantal Wouters
    / 5:30 pm

    Wat een prachtig verhaal! Bedankt om dit met ons te delen!
    Ik ben zelf bijna 58, single, no kids……en SUPERHAPPY!

    Mijn droom is om zo snel mogelijk richting de spaanse zon te kunnen verhuizen!
    xxx

  31. Kitty
    / 7:12 pm

    Hi Yvon,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    I have always wanted children but I worked in the theatre industry for a long time and the pay and the hours and the fact I hadn’t met the right guy meant I waited and waited. I finally made changes to my career and met the one 3 years ago and we’ve been trying for a baby for 2 years now. I’ve had 3 miscarriages during that time and I’m currently in the middle of another load of tests. Its been so heartbreaking and surprisingly lonely but I’m still fighting on with it. The weird thing is as much as I want it there is always a slight sense of relief each month that I’m not pregnant.. Its one more month when I can still just do whatever I want. I decided I will try until I’m 40 and then it’s time to choose a different kind of future full of nice clothes and holidays and midnight snacks. Your page and your story are so inspiring to me, you really show me that if I end up having that future it can be just as great. You always look so good and so happy.. It gives me hope every day. Thank you.

  32. osoozzq
    / 8:18 pm

    Really great post! Thank you for sharing a topic that is painful, vulnerable and tender for many women. Parenting is a daunting task. It doesn’t come with a manual or a guarantee. It’s not for everyone and there’s nothing wrong with that AT ALL. Being raised by a mother who didn’t want kids was terrible. Being unwanted and treated like you’re in the way takes its toll.

    As we evolve and realize women are more than baby makers, pin up girls, and other demeaning ways we’ve been objectified, we can make choices for how WE want our lives to be. Thanks for sharing your story of adventure. Women have value regardless of the function of our reproductive system.

  33. Esther
    / 9:41 pm

    Thank you for being able to share your story so openly. I lost my father to a tragic car accident when I was 15, he was a few cars ahead of and I witnessed everything.. I believe that was a part of my life that really destroyed me, messing up my hormones and grew up so with so much despair.
    Then a month later, after my father’s accident, I met my husband through a car accident.. we married later in life and it took me and my husband 14 years to conceive.. In those years, I lost hope on having children and even traveled and explored, I had embraced freedom and enjoyed that very much. I wanted children in the beginning but since I couldn’t conceive, I soon developed a mentality that I would never want children but that also stemmed from bitterness inside too. I hardened my heart so that I would never cry again. I never thought I’d be able to have children, so I decided to accept it and then it became embedded in me. after awhile, I truly didn’t want any children any more for the longest time since I did really enjoy my freedom.
    Then 5 years ago, I got pregnant out of the blue, my son is a true miracle from God. I thought I could live without ever becoming a mom, that I’d accept it as it is and would be complete for the rest of my life. But when I had the chance to become a mother, I found out that there is a kind of love that is so great, nothing on earth compares to it.. I would never have known how beautiful it was like to have tasted this kind of love, had I not had my son. So because of that, I’m grateful for my miracle and that I had a chance to taste motherhood. Because now, we’re back on that road again of not being able to conceive. But I am forever grateful to have one child than none and back on this road of being okay if i’m not able to have anymore children after my son. This has been my experience only. so glad that you’ve found your journey!!!

  34. Nikki
    / 10:40 pm

    Xxxxx ❤️❤️❤️

  35. Lucia Colantuono
    / 11:58 am

    Darling Yvonne, isn’t it strange how life turns out! l can honestly say throughout my life, l have never day dreamed or longed for children…l have never been in a serious relationship, that has lasted more than a few months…..and am in my 50’s and single. When l was younger l used to wonder what the hell was wrong with me, why were all my friends finding love and getting married and starting a family, while l was still single. It used to take its toll on me and l was diagnosed with depression…..l am still on depression tablets…..Now that l am in my 50’s…..l have reached the point where it does not bother me anymore. l am so grateful that my brother married and had 3 beautiful children one boy and 2 girls. l loved spending time with them…but to be brutally honest…..l was so happy when they returned home and l could just relax. l work casually and spend my time, doing the things that l like…..reading, painting, drawing and binge watching tv…..l also go shopping when l want….work when l want…..and read or watch tv until 4am……l am my own boss…..and l enjoy it…..Although l never married…..l have lived so many lives through the novels l have read….and have travelled all over the world…..My very favorite day is what l call a pyjama day….l spend time in bed, remain in my pyjamas all day long and read or watch tv unil my hearts content……l love my life…..and at a time when all my friends are going through divorces, or other marriage dramas…..My life is fulfilled looking after my widowed mother and being a mother to the most adorable nephew and nieces and the love of my life…..my dog Sindi…..All the very best….take care……love you and your blog….

  36. Anon123
    / 12:40 pm

    It’s interesting reading everyone’s stories about how they’ve come to terms with not having had children. Like you, I’m one of them. I grew up in the 80’s when they used to show movies at school about teenage pregnancy (in health class). The message was clear: you mess up your life if you get pregnant. I remember leaving high school thinking the worst thing that could happen to me is getting pregnant. Fast forward to my late 20’s and I’d become convinced I didn’t want children of my own because I didn’t want to contribute to the planet’s overpopulation. By my 30’s I’d soften my stand on that view but was in no rush to find someone to start a family with. I figured I had plenty time left and in any event I still had not met the ONE. But then I hit 40, and suddenly the panic started. I desperately wanted to be a mother but I didn’t have a partner. I considered being a single mom using a donor but could neither afford the procedure nor raising the child on my own. So in a last ditch effort I threw myself on tinder and its indignancies to find a guy to have a child with. I ended up dating a guy for about 2 years but never did get pregnant. Being 43 at the time, it was probably too late for me to try and get pregnant the natural way but I didn’t have the money to get any kind of medical assistance to help me get pregnant at that age.

    I’m 51 now and being childless is a bitter pill to swallow EVERY DAY. But mostly, I feel ashamed. I’ve failed at something that is the most natural part of our human existence on earth. I failed at something that people of all stripes (rich, poor, beautiful, unattractive) have achieved. I failed at something that requires no entrance exam, no qualification, no degree from some fancy Uni.

    I feel ashamed because, however you want to sugar coat it, in today’s society a childless woman is still viewed as broken, as an anomaly. Whether at the office, or among friends. The pity (and other times condescension) in their eyes competently pierces your heart. And so, to protect yourself from that stare, you cut yourself off from that world and you become the proverbial old lady living with cats (even if those cats are just figments of their imagination).

    • Marline
      / 5:01 pm

      Dear ANON123,
      I read your letter which happened to be the last in those printed as of today. Your sadness touched me and I feel compelled to reach out to say that although being childless can be a bitter pill, you can decide not to swallow it. Your life went a different path that does not include children that you birthed. That doesn’t mean you can’t have the joy of children in your life: maybe nieces, nephews, grandchildren of friends. Or involving your life with children by volunteering in your community. I have several women friends from their 50’s to 70’s who are childless (by choice or not) who have rich, fulfilling lives by pouring their passions into areas that in some cases include children. I hope you can find the same; it would be such a loss for you to cut yourself off from the world for this one thing. There is so much more that is you.

  37. Eliane
    / 11:10 am

    Hola, Yvon,
    No sé si entiendes español, espero que sí. Hablo desde Brasil y estoy segura que no hablas portugués, entonces escribo en español. Mi inglés no es bastante bueno.
    Muy bien, Yvon, ya he leído otros relatos tuyos que tuve ganas de escribirte.
    Cuando escribiste sobre tener 50 años ( estoy con 56) y hablaste sobre algunas características de nuestro cuerpo que cambian, pensé en indicarte “aloe vera” para los pelos, pues a mí me parece estupendo. kkk
    He dejado de teñir mis pelos. Están largos y son ondulados. Estoy bien con mi vida y mi cuerpo, tampoco tengo hijos. Estoy casada hace 6 años (esta también es una bonita historia para compartir) y él tampoco tiene hijos , entonces estamos solitos. Somos profesores, yo de lengua española y él de portugués y literatura. Tengo un perro, ocho gatos y una pareja de tortugas. Vivimos bien.
    Y , analizando nuestros tiempos, no creo que estaría tranquila si tuviera hijos hoy. Mi país vive momentos difíciles, inestables…

  38. / 12:42 pm

    First of all : you are so special !!!! you can always surprise me with your honesty, easy way to talk about everything and always in such a beautiful way ! Has you are !
    I can´t not share my story … it is mine … but this post made me cry and made me realize how lucky and happy we all are when we do what our hearts tells us and believe that all happens for a reason … and at the end all ends well !
    I was always very independent … traveled a lot … but very family attached also … an explosive mix 😀 … But in my case YES! I wanted to be a mom… ins and outs with (bad) love stories … my family and close friends telling me that of course I should try for being a single mom (independent) … but I found what I though being the one ! I was 37 and I got pregnant … but at the same time I also found out that there were so many lies in my realtionship ……. including another family on the side !! So I was again alone but 2 month pregnant … Ended up with a baby boy in my arms but alone (he is not present at all , in any aspect , in our sons life) … but I am so happy!!! I am stronger, I follow my dreams, I travel what I can with him since he his 2 month … so many adventures … I have a beautiful 8 years old boy – almost 9 now ! My life changed ? Yes ! But all I lost , I had it in other ways ! Love stories happen… not sure if I will “end” with the man of my life but I have a bigger LOVE in my life – My João Bernardo (we are portuguese) . I have no idea why this need to tell you our story 😀 … but it feels good ! Thank you for being has you are ! xoxo

  39. Lil
    / 4:46 pm

    I love your story and I’m new so I just saw your name and I love that too! Peace, Metta. ✌🏽☮️🌻

  40. Marjanne
    / 9:41 pm

    Bedankt voor je indrukwekkende blog, zelf nooit een kinderwens gehad totdat het door ziek zijn niet meer kon. Of dat een wens was of bewustwording van het feit dat de keuzevrijheid wel of geen kinderen weg was.. Nooit een wens en dan kan het niet meer dat is wel emotioneel. Echter het gevoel herstelde zich en ben blij en tevreden mijn leven zonder kinderen. Genoeg liefde te geven en tja doglover 💯 procent 😀

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